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Literary Agent: I’m full of shit. I can’t help it!
His Baby’s Momma: He don’t pay child support. He don’t ever see her. That’s it! I’m calling his fucking parole officer!
Man Urinating Publicly: What do I care? I’m a convict!
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
A group of punks walk by the Hellenic Steaks restaurant.
Punk: This restaurant is perfect for me: I love steak, and I love Satan!
Waitress: Is that book you’re reading fiction or theory?
Employee: I bring my beer in the shower with me and I put it on the ledge so it doesn’t get wet. Sometimes I also have a couple of shots in the kitchen.
Overheard by: Jenny Rogers
Young Son: Is there a Mars eclipse, too?
Father: There’s no Mars eclipse, there’s Marzipan, but no Mars eclipse.
–Watching the eclipse, West Village
Waitress: Is this your granddaughter?
Waitress: She looks just like you.
Grandma: No, she looks like my son’s mother-in-law.
Grandma: She’s a big woman.
–Chinese Restaurant, UWS